A Note For Dads

Men who are normally expected of society to be unemotional and in control are suddenly - during the often long process of birthing - expected to take on a secondary role "to provide tender, sensitive and responsive care and to intuitively know what the woman needs" (Schott & Henley 2000:164). This can sometimes be difficult to display when his partner is in obvious discomfort when instincts may guide him to respond phyisically to the situation. I believe that fathers need reassurance and support during a birth as much as mothers. They have a very important role to play and often no one to help them play it. A doula is never there to replace a partner (unless the partner does not wish to be there) and a doula will always step back and allow the couple the space to be together, to make decisions together and to support each other. Sometimes this can mean offering the father tips on how to emotionally and physically support the mother. Other times it can be as simple as being an extra pairs of hands to get a drink, pay the car parking or enabling him to take a break or text/call family and friends.